I open my mouth to talk. I manage a whole two words before someone talks over me. After giving it a couple of seconds, I gather some air and try again. Almost a whole sentence before the boy across the table joins the conversation and drowns out my voice. I sigh and glance to my right. My friend has noticed my struggle and shakes her head. "I mine as well not try," I say. "It's like they don't even hear my voice."
She laughs a little. "I don't understand how people can do that." I tilt my head a little, confused. She bites her lip before answering the question in my gaze. "How can people just talk over you. How can they just ignore you?"
I laugh a little. "Story of my life. I guess I'm just that kind of person. I fade into the background. I'm unimportant for their lives so I am not noticed by them. I'm like a shadow. But that's ok."
Rolling her eyes, she says, "I don't think it's ok. It bothers me. The world is missing out on such a great person. No one even gives you a chance. It makes me angry."
I smile and look down. "It makes you angry?" She nods. "It bothers me sometimes. I mean it's not fun never being noticed by people or talking when you know that no one is really listening. I think we all want to be noticed and it kinda hurts when we're not. So it does bother me sometimes, but at the same time it's just been life for so long that I've gotten used to it. Sometimes I actually enjoy it. I don't have to spend so much time socializing and using so much energy. I can be an introvert in public, and that's nice sometimes. But, you know..."
She nods again. "Yeah, I..."
"What are you guys talking about?" the boy who interrupted me earlier asks.
This was a real conversation that I had with one of my friends. This happens to me all of the time. I am not a very noticed person. Not all teens go unnoticed, but many of us do. We are the outcasts, the people who aren't popular. The kids who maybe don't fit perfectly into a clique. Those of us who don't really fit in high school. We are the floaters, the weirdos, the losers. We are the teens who just fade into the background, the shadows.
And like I had said in my story. It does hurt sometimes. I mean, I want to be noticed, just a little like the next person. It makes me sad sometimes because every once in a while I find my thoughts leaning towards things like, "If they would just look at me... If they would just listen to what I have to say... If they would just...". It makes me long to be around people who do give me the time of day, who do listen to me, who do acknowledge my presence. I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks about things like this or who struggles with going unnoticed. I know there are more teens out there with the same problem. I've met some of them. We all want the same thing. We all want to be seen. It make us feel valued.
"Anyone can show up when you're happy. But the ones who stay by your side when your heart falls apart, they are your true friends."
I am Samantha, and my goal for this blog is to basically share my experiences as a teenager. Basically, I am a teen. I have many hopes and dreams, many fears and insecurities that I let hold me back. There is so much that goes on in my life. Sometimes it is a struggle, and that is what this blog is about.