I wanna be different. I wanna be changed
To me, believing in God means more than just saying you have faith. It's more than just Sundays at church. To me, believing in God, means living for God, representing Jesus with everything you do, letting Him pour Himself into every aspect of your life. That's how I try to live my life and at my school, I've been dubbed a "goodie-two-shoes" because of it.
I hear all my peer's stories about the parties they went to the weekend before and how drunk they got. I hear stories of sexual conquests, and smoking weed. I hear about them lying to their parents and getting into fights. I hear all of these reckless and crazy stories, and I'm so glad I don't do any of it. Most of the time, they're stories end badly. The drunk party left them with a hangover that would kill a bear. The sexual conquest ends in heart break for one of the two involved. They're parents caught them in the lie. I don't want to have stories like that. I don't believe that's not how God wants me to live.
But there's a small part of me that sometimes gets tired of being "miss perfect", "miss try hard". I don't always like being the "goodie-two-shoes". Everyone else is out living life to the 'fullest' doing whatever they want whenever they want. They get drunk and party. They smoke weed and cuss constantly. They have sex and flaunt they're bodies. They drive recklessly on the highway. I know it's silly, but sometimes I'm jealous. They can do all of that and not feel guilty about it.
Then, there's me. I've always wondered what I would be like drunk. I know it's silly and stupid. But, would I be annoying? Would I spout off random facts? How long would it take me to get drunk? How many beers would it take? Would the taste of beer eventually become appealing?
What would it be like to sneak out in the middle of the night? Would I be able to pull it off? Would my parents find out? Would I be able to lie well enough to not get caught? What would I even sneak out to do? Party? Maybe. Probably not.
Would people find me more interesting, more relatable if I did these things? Would they ignore me less? Would they stop making me an outcast? The answer is yes. I would be more relatable. No I wouldn't be as ignored. But doing those crazy things, living that way, it would make me fade into the sea of faces. I wouldn't be different anymore. I wouldn't be living my life for God. My life wouldn't resemble the life of Jesus. I wouldn't be different. I wouldn't be set apart.
My biggest goal in life is to love, trust, and have faith in God. I believe that the only way to truely do that is to live like Jesus did. And no. I'm not saying I'm perfect. What I'm saying is that I try to the best of my ability to do everything as if I were doing it for God and not for man. Because that's what it says in the Bible (Col. 3:23). I want to live in a way that people look at me and see Jesus. I want people to see me and only see God. I want people to glance at my life and say "Man, there's just something different about her."
1. God. If you love God, you definitely have my heart. There is nothing more attractive than a person who gets down on their knees to pray when they need to solve a problem. There is nothing more attractive than a person who tries to live out the Word in their everyday life. I think the most attractive thing a person could possibly do is talk about their faith in God. I don't know what it is, but it just sings to my soul, and makes me sooo very happy.
2. Dogs. Or animals in general, but mostly dogs. I'm kind of obsessed with them. Especially puppies. I love puppies. They're so innocent and precious. I just want to take them all home. (And trust me, when I was little, I tried.) They have those big ole eyes and that super soft puppy fur... They're so energetic and cute. They make my heart melt. And then they grow up and they become your best friend and never leave your side. They play with you and listen to you and hang out with you. And the best part is, they're always down for a nap even if your not. They are the most loving creatures of all time and I love them.
3. Dancing in the road in the middle of the night under a star filled sky. I know. It's so cheesy. But by golly is it fun. The stars are so beautiful, and they make everything else beautiful too. But it doesn't just have to be limited to dancing in the middle of the night. It really comes down to whether or not you can put up with me. I'm kind of weird and spontaneous. I do some crazy things like dancing at stop lights and making up my own lyrics when I don't know the song. I like to dance under a star filled sky and ask deep questions. I love being a dork and making no sense sometimes. I like to be different and if you can put up with that, you have my heart.
4. Chocolate. Yes, I know. Typical girl. But man you put that chocolate in my hands and I will love you forever. I have a big bowl of Dove chocolate sitting on my bedside table at all times, The moment I start getting remotely low, I go buy more. I always have chocolate because if I run out, it's a bad deal. I crave chocolate like no other, and I have to eat at least one piece everyday. My Nana tells me that chocolate makes your clothes shrink. And you know, I think that is the only problem with it.
5. Food. Let me just tell you about my eating habits. I eat constantly all day. During school, I pack my lunch in a HUGE lunch box. But I also pack snacks for every single class in that lunch box too. I also out eat my 6'7" brother, my boyfriend (Alex), and my dad on a regular basis at meals. For this last Thanksgiving, Alex took me to his family's get to gather, and there was so much food it was fantastic. I walked in the door and they told me not to be bashful (little did I know Alex had been bragging about how much I ate..). So I definitely wasn't going to hold back (never tell a girl who likes to eat not to be bashful). I loaded down my first plate, and my second plate, and ate some of Alex's food, and went back for deserts. I ate About a plate and a half more than he did, and he'll probably never hear the end of it and neither will I. So, we'll just say that the way to my heart is through my stomach.
I was seven years old and full of energy. In my socked feet, I flew up the stairs and skidded to a stop on the wood floor only long enough to change directions and race to the living room. Grandpa was sitting in his blue chair watching an old black and white western. Grandma was in the kitchen pulling out the No Bake Cookie Pan.
"I told you she'd come up when she heard me in the kitchen." Grandma grinned at Grandpa who playfully rolled his eyes at her.
"All she wants is your food." He bellows a laugh as if my want of food is hilarious.
Grandma ignores him and looks to me. "I'm going to make some no bakes before I head to the store. Do you want to help?"
"Of course!" I dance into the kitchen as she retrieves all the ingredients from the cabinets. Pulling over the little step stool Grandma keeps around for us kids, I watch as she lays wax paper out on the counter. I place the stool to one side of the stove and stand on it, glancing into the pan on the burner. We begin adding a little of this and a dab of that until the substance starts to boil. I stir until Grandma tells me its time to place the cookies on the wax paper to cool. I leave that to her and head back to the living room to find Grandpa.
"What you watching?" I ask.
"An old one. This one is my favorite." He smiles and pats his lap. "Come watch it with me?"
"You say all of them are your favorite," I whisper as I climb into the chair with him. Once in his lap, as devious grin takes ahold of my face, and I pinch his oxygen cord between my fingers. He sticks out his tongue and opens his eyes wide. A giggle escapes my lips and I let go of the cord.
"You better not be a nuisance while I watch this movie," He says, tickling my sides.
Grandma walks through the room with her purse in hand, telling us that she's heading to the store. "You two better behave while I'm gone. Sam, you're in charge. Don't eat all the cookies." And she closed the front door.
Five minutes later, Grandpa pokes my side and motions into the kitchen. I nod my head and laugh as I slide from his lap. I dig around in the cabinets until I find a bowl big enough. I place the container on the counter and set aside two cookies for Grandma. I gently place the rest in the bowl and take them back to Grandpa. He holds the bowl while I climb back into his lap. We eat a cookie at a time until they're gone, and not a moment after the last cookie is gone does grandma walk into the room.
She sees the chocolate on my face and knows exactly what we've done. "I told you not to let him eat all the cookies Sam!"
I smile. "He didn't eat all of them. I ate some too!" Grandma laughs and tosses me a rag to wipe my face. "There's two on the counter for you!" I holler at her as I turn back to the western movie.
1. I like to draw.
I mostly draw nature and animals, but I also like self portraits. I'm kind of bad at drawing people though, so that doesn't happen often. (I once tried to draw my best friend, but she ended up looking like a witch.) My favorite mediums are charcoal and chalk. Drawing is one of my favorite past times because it calms my soul and makes me feel so peaceful. I absolutely enjoy it.
2. I didn't learn how to ride my bike until I was eight-years-old.
I was not a very brave child. I was terrified of everything, especially riding my bike without training wheels. My parents tried to help me for years. From like age four on. They'd hold onto the back of my bike seat and run with me down the road. But the moment I noticed they let go, I stopped pedaling and crashed every time. I wore out four pairs of knee and elbow pads. But my parents never gave up. Around my eighth birthday, my dad finally took my training wheels off for good. He threw them away and told me I was going to have to learn because I wasn't going to have training wheels in life. He told me that some things were scary and hard, but we had to do them anyways. About two weeks later, we went to my grandma's farm and took my bike with us. While everyone was inside talking, I pulled my bike out and walked it into the middle of the yard. As my little feet rested on the pedals, I closed my eyes. I didn't want to watch if I crashed. I started pedaling, faster and faster. The bike wobbled and I started to lose balance. I opened my eyes and straightened it out. And that's when I realized I was actually riding my bike. At the age of eight, I had finally conquered the bike.
3. I have a favorite sibling.
This is mostly because I only have one sibling, but he is definitely my favorite. (Though, I don't know if he would say the same thing about me...) He is six and a half feet tall and so wide that he doesn't always fit through doorways. He wears size 17 shoes. (I personally think that my mom had a normal sized baby boy that was stolen away in the middle of the night and replaced by a baby giant.) Anyhow, he is a pretty great guy. As annoying and dumb as he may be sometimes, I don't know what I would do without him. He is always there to hug me when I'm down and brings me mint chocolate chip ice cream when I'm sad. He makes me laugh and keeps me talking long into the night. He is always looking out for me and I can't thank him enough. I can truly say that God blessed me with a great friend when He gave me my older brother.
4. Strangers think I'm quiet, and my best friends can't get me to be quiet.
If you don't know me, you think I'm really quiet and shy. I hate small talk, and I'm also really bad at small talk. Which means I'm super awkward in social situations. I usually just keep my lips sealed and let everyone else talk while I observe. I can never come up with something to add to mere polite conversation. I actually have to rehearse what to say in my head when I know I'm meeting someone new, and I still sometimes fail.
If you know me really well, you can never get me to shut up and you know that I'm really weird. I like to talk. So I talk a lot, about anything. Random facts are always spewing out of my mouth, and don't even get me started about work. I could talk about the vet clinic for hours upon hours because I absolutely LOVE it. Then there is God. I think I manage to bring Him into 80% of my conversations because He is just such a big part of my life. Plus, I like asking my friends random deep questions like the one over there in the side bar ->
5. I'm an introvert.
I like people, but they just wear me out. I can only be around them for so long before I absolutely need to have time for myself otherwise I'll go crazy. I have to spend at least 50% of my time alone or I get emotionally drained because I am so connected to others emotions that I put all of mine on hold until I'm alone. My alone time is when I figure out everything about everything.
6. God is the most important thing in my life.
He's my number one. I hope that everything I do in my life reflects Him. Everything I do is affected by my faith in Him. He has blessed me so greatly and continues to do so. New lessons come every day become of God and I don't know how I could live without Him. He's my everything.
7. My favorite color is brown.
When I was little (probably around the age of seven) my grandma owned a flower shop. One day, my cousin Emily and I were looking at all the pretty bouquets. I pointed to a pretty pink daisy and proudly said "That's my favorite color." My cousin being much taller than me bent down to look me in the eye.
"You like pink?" I nodded my head and wiped the hair out of my face. "Well, my favorite color is brown. Pink is too cliché."
At the time I had no clue what cliché meant, but I understood that Emily like brown because it was different than everybody else. So I decided that I wanted to be different too and brown has been my favorite color from that day forward. It's just kind of stuck.
8. My favorite animal is the dog.
I've grown up with four dogs at almost all times. We've mostly had labs, but we currently only have two. A brown lab named Dutchess and a black lab named Daizy. We also have a long haired dachshund named Keeli and a papillion named Marty. They mean the world to me. I could spend hours with my dogs and never get bored. Dutchess is a hunting dog who could fetch forever and every Sunday I take her and Daizy to the lake to play. Dogs are just amazing.
9. I've wanted to be a veterinarian since I was able to talk.
It's my life long dream and I cannot wait until my future career can get started. I was that kid who brought home every single stray they came across and begged my parents to let me keep it. (Heck, I still do that.) Animals just have my heart. I can't help it. I just dream of saving all the sick animals in the world, and I'm so excited for college to start because it's the beginning of my crazy adventure.
10. I am a tomboy.
I have definitely never been mistaken as a girly girl. My mom calls me her "Little Boy" because I've never been one to want to go shopping or get my nails done. When I was little I always wanted to play in the dirt with my brother, and I'd still much rather play in the dirt than paint my nails. Some of my favorite hobbies are hunting and fishing. (There is just something about being outside that makes my soul happy.) I don't like dresses. To me they are uncomfortable. I'd much rather wear boots and jeans or boots and shorts. My friends are always telling me to "be a girl for once", and I always laugh at them because I like it much better the way I am.
"Anyone can show up when you're happy. But the ones who stay by your side when your heart falls apart, they are your true friends."
I am Samantha, and my goal for this blog is to basically share my experiences as a teenager. Basically, I am a teen. I have many hopes and dreams, many fears and insecurities that I let hold me back. There is so much that goes on in my life. Sometimes it is a struggle, and that is what this blog is about.