I wanna be different. I wanna be changed
To me, believing in God means more than just saying you have faith. It's more than just Sundays at church. To me, believing in God, means living for God, representing Jesus with everything you do, letting Him pour Himself into every aspect of your life. That's how I try to live my life and at my school, I've been dubbed a "goodie-two-shoes" because of it.
I hear all my peer's stories about the parties they went to the weekend before and how drunk they got. I hear stories of sexual conquests, and smoking weed. I hear about them lying to their parents and getting into fights. I hear all of these reckless and crazy stories, and I'm so glad I don't do any of it. Most of the time, they're stories end badly. The drunk party left them with a hangover that would kill a bear. The sexual conquest ends in heart break for one of the two involved. They're parents caught them in the lie. I don't want to have stories like that. I don't believe that's not how God wants me to live.
But there's a small part of me that sometimes gets tired of being "miss perfect", "miss try hard". I don't always like being the "goodie-two-shoes". Everyone else is out living life to the 'fullest' doing whatever they want whenever they want. They get drunk and party. They smoke weed and cuss constantly. They have sex and flaunt they're bodies. They drive recklessly on the highway. I know it's silly, but sometimes I'm jealous. They can do all of that and not feel guilty about it.
Then, there's me. I've always wondered what I would be like drunk. I know it's silly and stupid. But, would I be annoying? Would I spout off random facts? How long would it take me to get drunk? How many beers would it take? Would the taste of beer eventually become appealing?
What would it be like to sneak out in the middle of the night? Would I be able to pull it off? Would my parents find out? Would I be able to lie well enough to not get caught? What would I even sneak out to do? Party? Maybe. Probably not.
Would people find me more interesting, more relatable if I did these things? Would they ignore me less? Would they stop making me an outcast? The answer is yes. I would be more relatable. No I wouldn't be as ignored. But doing those crazy things, living that way, it would make me fade into the sea of faces. I wouldn't be different anymore. I wouldn't be living my life for God. My life wouldn't resemble the life of Jesus. I wouldn't be different. I wouldn't be set apart.
My biggest goal in life is to love, trust, and have faith in God. I believe that the only way to truely do that is to live like Jesus did. And no. I'm not saying I'm perfect. What I'm saying is that I try to the best of my ability to do everything as if I were doing it for God and not for man. Because that's what it says in the Bible (Col. 3:23). I want to live in a way that people look at me and see Jesus. I want people to see me and only see God. I want people to glance at my life and say "Man, there's just something different about her."
"Anyone can show up when you're happy. But the ones who stay by your side when your heart falls apart, they are your true friends."
I am Samantha, and my goal for this blog is to basically share my experiences as a teenager. Basically, I am a teen. I have many hopes and dreams, many fears and insecurities that I let hold me back. There is so much that goes on in my life. Sometimes it is a struggle, and that is what this blog is about.