Do you ever find yourself pondering something really really deep? Do you ever think about why your world is the way it is, why you are the way you are? As teens, we are in a very transitional stage. We are figuring out who we are and who we want to be. We are trying to discover our identity. We start labeling not only others but ourselves as well. She might be the beautiful popular cheeleader. He might be the smart football player. They might be the jocks. You might be the nerd or the geek or the loner. Anyways, what im trying to say is that as teenages, we are trying to figure out ourselves. And it intrigues me because we're pretty complicated. I think it is amazing how perfectly complicated we are though. It is what makes each of us so unique. We have so many layers, so many talents. No two of us are alike. This, though it is amazing, also makes it so much harder for us to understand ourselves. We have to learn to be patient with ourselves so we can peal each layer back one at a time. There are so many sides to each of us that we can't possibly figure them all out at the same time.
Something even more amazing though is the number of things that help craft us into who we are. There are so many miniscule moments in each of our lives that helped change us into the people we are today and that just blows my mind. I mean, I've been shaped and molded into me since day one everything that has happened since then has made me into well me.
Today i was pondering how complex we are. I dont know why. It just intrests me. If you have any thought on this subject id love to hear them in the comments below.
It's 11:41 and my mind is still not done.
Buzzing. Buzzing. Buzzing.
Words are pouring in only to fall out again.
The noise grows louder with in.
A waterfall growing in high.
So high is the tale that down below the world is pale.
Oh, the stories that could branch off such a tale.
My oh my, my mind is whirring.
Spinning and twisting, I can't keep resisting.
The thoughts inside are bold.
Italicized and underlined,
They're keeping my mind awake, making me blind.
By the thoughts hidden inside,
I am consumed.
In conclusion, I have a lot on my mind and I can't sleep. I also just remembered I haven't blogged today. I hope you liked my poem. I didn't know what to write so I just started typing...
Here in the twenty-first century, there are many things that plague the way we look at ourselves. As teenagers, we are very involved in the media, causing us to constantly have the worlds views packed into our brains. Because of this, we, the teens, tend to have more insecurities than we can count. We are constantly being told that we aren't good enough, pretty enough, rich enough, skinny enough, smart enough, etc. The world seems to hold a view of how each and every one of us should be, and if we don't fall into that mold, we are told that something is wrong with us. But here's a funny thought: No one fits into that mold. We are all unique. No two of us are alike, and there is nothing wrong with us.
Insecurities are a part of life. Yes, we are all going to have them, but that doesn't mean we can't still be confident. Just because we aren't who the world wants us to be doesn't mean that we aren't amazing. I guess what I'm trying to say is that each of us is unique, and I hate to see fellow teens put on a mask and pretend to be something they aren't just because they don't fit into the mold. Because sometimes, we try so hard to fit in that we end up hiding everything that makes us who we are. We're so good at this, that what we don't realize is we are hiding things about ourselves not only from others, but from us. We make a mask to show the world and filter what comes through that mask. We get hurt and just shove the hurt into a jar and close the lid. All of our insecurities are pushed deep into the dark corners where we won't find them often. We're so intent on fitting in that we all end up looking alike. We crop out the parts of ourselves that we don't enjoy and over exaggerate the parts we do. The world's views tells us that we are never good enough, and for some dumb reason, we always believe them. So we try harder to be someone else. We continually compare ourselves with others and come up with lies. "She's prettier than me...He's better and stronger than me...I'll never be as good as them." And all this, only makes it harder to be confident in who we are without a mask, without trying to fit it. It makes it harder to be confident with who we are when no one else is around because that is the person we are hiding.
Maybe not all people are like this, but quite a few are. So what I want to know is what would the world be like if everyone stopped pretending. What if being yourself was the new fad?
It's 9:30 when I look at the clock after my shower and homework. Work was annoyingly rough tonight. I crawl out of my cozy bed, leaving my finished math homework and book thrown about. I'll get it later. As I walk through the living room, I tell my parents that I'm going to go sit outside for a bit. They give me a funny look, but nod their heads anyways. A habit of mine. They don't fully understand. Once in my yard, I sit on the ground, tucking my knees up under my chin and wrapping my arms securely around my legs. I stare off into the distance for a long time. My ever so constant thoughts overrun my brain.
I wonder if he will text me tonight. He won't. Softball was hard today. I can't believe she said that to the teacher. Is she just praying for a detention? Today was awful. I just want a good day tomorrow, Lord. Please?
I get tired of thinking and try to block it all out. It doesn't work. I lay on my back and gaze and the beautiful diamonds up in the black void of a sky. This is my favorite time of day. An overwhelming peace consumes my entire existence. I feel God's gentle hands on my soul. The stars are my favorite. They are so amazing. They...words can't even explain them. They are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen before. I sigh and soak in the wonderful sight until Mom calls me in. It's 11:00. I have school tomorrow. She says I need sleep. With one last glance, I walk into the house.
This is something I do at least once a week. It rejuvenates my soul. I don't know. Just something about star gazing fills my heart with a calming since of peace. The stars are the perfect picture of beauty in my eyes. They are little diamonds hanging in the black, expansive sky. The stars remind me how big the world is and how I am only a small part of it. I am only a miniscule piece of the puzzle. This may not seem like a feeling that would help in a situation where you feel overwhelmed by life, but it helps me so much. Looking at the huge sky, with its pure beauty, shows me that my problems are not that big. The stars also remind me of God. He holds the whole world in His hands. He will hold me too. It's not just the about the stars though. It is more about finding a little peace in this crazy world. As teenagers, we live in a whirlpool of chaos, and every once in a while, we need to find something that will give us a little tranquility. So, find something you love and do that often.
So funny story: I wasn't able to post last week because I got grounded from all my electronics. I was, well, a brat. I'd had a bad day. Most of my teachers at school were in bad moods, and one of my friends was really getting on my nerves by being super immature and inconsiderate of other peoples feelings, including my own. She seemed to be trying everything she could to push my buttons. Then after my long day at school I went to softball practice. I played horrible, and of course I was really hard on myself because even my coaches mentioned how awful I was at practice that day. Track was even worse. I nearly had an asthma attack after timing a mile. Then I had to time a half mile and a 600 meter run. It was utterly awful. My lungs physically hurt after I finally got done. After that I had a softball team dinner which was actually fun. Then I went to the nursing home and saw the decline of my favorite old lady. She was not doing well, and it tore me apart.
During this whole time, my parents had apparently been trying to text me and get ahold of me. But of course, my phone was on silent because I was at school or practice. They wanted to remind me to go to the nursing home at 6. They had text me during school and called me during practice, but I didn't see their messages and know to call back until after the softball dinner. They were mad about my lack of communication during the day. I normally do check my phone and reply to them. It was just unusual behavior for me from their point of view. They didn't know that I'd had a bad day, and that I was already preoccupied by thoughts of grief for my dying friend. So they got mad. We got into it and I was really rude. I talked to them harshly and I took my bad day out on them. It wasn't good. I was so consumed by emotion that I got pretty angry and I never get angry. Because of my actions, I was grounded.
But I learned something from being grounded. One, I am not very addicted to my electronics. Though, I did miss my phone a little because there were a few times when I was home and had nothing to do and it would have been nice to text a friend, I didn't miss it often. My computer was really not on my mind besides last Wednesday when I realized I hadn't posted on my blog. Two, spending so much time without my phone, computer and other electrical devices was really nice, peaceful. I think that we teens sometimes get so caught up in the technology that our generation sometimes forgets what a night spent playing games with the family or just talking to someone in person does for us. I think that technology is a great thing. I love it, but I also think that sometimes it gets in the way of us taking a step back from the world and truly, truly enjoying the present for what it is. Not worrying about Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, etc., allows us to relax in a way that we don't get to experience with all that on our minds. And lastly, I realized how much more I value actual human contact. I am an introvert. So though, I am not addicted to my phone, I will use it to get out of having to talk to people sometimes. I don't like having to talk to people all the time because it is exhausting for me. You all wear me out (haha that was a funny...please laugh). So I did miss not talking to people a little, but because I couldn't use my phone, I had to have conversations with people. Yes, it was tiring, but it was really nice. People are amazing. I am astonished everyday by the kids at my school. We truly are all unique in different ways, and we all hide so much behind our masks whether it is pain, grief, joy, or anything really. People are so complex and dynamic and that is something you really miss out on when you hide behind a screen all the time. I have always thought this, but the last week has really brought it to my attention.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that technology is great and I think that we should use it. We should totally connect over the internet, and social media is huge in our generation. There is nothing wrong with that. That's something amazing about us: Technology is apart of our everyday lives and no matter what other generations tell us, that is spectacular. BUT> that doesn't mean that we shouldn't take a step back from the electronics every once in a while. Forget about our phones for just a couple of hours, leave our computers in our bedrooms and go explore this amazing world that we live in. I think that is just as important for us, if not a little more. We all need a little break every once in a while. Besides we live in a pretty spectacular place.
"Anyone can show up when you're happy. But the ones who stay by your side when your heart falls apart, they are your true friends."
I am Samantha, and my goal for this blog is to basically share my experiences as a teenager. Basically, I am a teen. I have many hopes and dreams, many fears and insecurities that I let hold me back. There is so much that goes on in my life. Sometimes it is a struggle, and that is what this blog is about.